===== The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything (by Mike Nawrocki) =====

**Chorus:**
//
We're the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything 
We just stay home and lie around 
And if you ask us to do anything 
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything
//

Well, I've never been Greenland and I've never been to Denver 
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul 
And I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa 
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

//'Cause we're...// [chorus]

And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck 
And I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all 
And I've never walked the gang plank and I've never owned a parrot 
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

//'Cause we're...// [chorus]

Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong 
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall 
And I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice 
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

[chorus]

And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink bug 
And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball 
And I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings
And I've never been to Boston in the fall