====== The Ballad of the Murder Hobos ======

Lyrics © 2019 by Nyx and Jeff Bigler
Tune is “To Morrow” © by Bob Gibson (with chorus added by Nyx & Jeff)

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%%pageheight 11in
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X:1
T:The Ballad of the Murder Hobos
C:tune by Bob Gibson
C:lyrics & chorus by Nyx & Jeff Bigler
M:4/4
L:1/8
K:C major
C | "C"C>CC>E G G2 G | "F"A>Bc>A "C"G3 C | C>CC>E G G2 E | "G"D>DD>E D3 C |
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"C"C>CC>E G G2 G | "F"A>Bc>A "C"G3 G | c>cc>A G>EE>C | "G"D>CC>B, "C"C4 ||
A2 c2 G3 G | G>FE>F G3 C | "C"C>CC>E G G2 E | "G"D>DD>E D3 C |
"C"C>CC>E G G2 G | "F"A>Bc>A "C"G3 G | c>cc>A G>EE>C | "G"D>CC>B, "C"C4 ||
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1. We went into a tavern
A-looking for some action—
For gold and magic items
And some heads that needed bashin’.
The innkeeper, he looked at us
And pointed to a man,
Said “Talk to him, but careful,
Be as subtle as you can.”

So we went over to him,
But he was in a conversation,
So we got out our weapons
To provide some motivation.
A fight broke out, we killed two men
And set the place ablaze.
But the man we had to talk to,
He escaped and ran away.

//[chorus]
Die! Die! Die!
We're gonna kill them all!
With sword and axe and shield
and a big-ass fireball!
We don't care the slightest
What the dungeonmaster planned,
'Cause we're the biggest, baddest
Murder hobos in the land!//

2. We caught up to our employer
'Bout a mile out of town.
We said that we're the hardiest
Adventurers around.
He said, "My wife was taken
By a dragon to his cave,
And I must pay a ransom,
Or he'll keep her as his slave!"

"There is an amulet in Tawny-
Port down by the wharf.
It's hidden in the castle
Of the Baron Pretzeldorf.
The castle's guarded well above
But not so much below.
And if you enter stealthily
Then none shall ever know."

//[chorus]//

3. We traveled to the castle
Where the amulet was stored.
The wizard cast a silence spell
And we kicked down the door.
We carefully avoided
Several traps along the way,
But blasting out the amulet
Was what gave us away.

We ran back to the exit,
And we triggered all the traps.
We woke up all the sentries
Who were busy taking naps.
We slashed and stabbed and burned
And left the place in disarray,
And none survived but Pretzeldorf
Who somehow got away.

//[chorus]//

4. We wandered to the dragon's den
And found the dragon there.
We offered him the amulet
To buy the lady fair.
The dragon said, "It's worthless!
The amulet's destroyed!
It looks like it's been blasted
By some foolish humanoid."

We said, "Then you must fight us!"
But the dragon took a breath
And turned back toward the lady
Who was quickly burned to death.
"Take her ash and leave this place,
I hope it all goes well.
The amulet might still be worth
A resurrection spell!"

//[chorus]//

5. We swept the lady up
And put her ashes in a box
And went back to her husband
And said, "Sorry for your loss."
The man said, "Here, just take the gold!
May you be cursed for life!"
And went to find a healer
Who could resurrect his wife.

The party divvied up the gold
And said, "Wow that was fun!
It's lucky that we're all so smart
And nice to every one!"
The dungeonmaster shook his head
And gave a hearty sigh.
He said, "You all are psychos!
Now get out of here!  Goodbye!"

//[chorus]//